Sunday, January 12, 2014

Sunday Reflections - Am I a Complainer?

I don't know what to talk about today.

Problem is two-fold:

1) I have been reflecting on two totally different matters this week and can't decide which one needs to be dissected and discussed more; and
2)  I saw a pin this week that said something about "trying to go 24 hours without complaining even once". Which triggered the thought "Am I a chronic complainer?". I don't want to be.

So now I don't know what to do. Should I talk about me? Discuss the status of my adrenal fatigue ("AF"). Damn AF is back. My Candida. Damn Candida might be back. Or talk about my kids health? The results from my second daughters allergy testing. Damn dairy and sugar. Or her blood work. Damn low iron and Vitamin D.

But both of those topics sound "complainy".

I think I'm in a complainy state of mind because that's what happens when you have adrenal fatigue. You get tired. Day to day activities that are hard, sometimes stressful - but normally manageable - become completely overwhelming.

I found this week tough. A struggle. Many overwhelming moments. Some tears. And some yelling. Loud yelling. We have ALL been having temper tantrums.........and not one of us is two so can't blame the terrible twos. More like the "irritable adrenals" or "annoyed anemic's".

The deep freeze we have been under in Winnipeg (Halleluia it finally lifted) and poor conditions of the roads has made my commuting times to work completely unreasonable and frustrating. Our household has had at least one person sick pretty much for a month straight with no break. My kids have been very emotional (transitioning back to school/daycare combined with sickness and low get the picture) and they NEED so much from me. And they seem to decide to be difficult when I'm trying to get them somewhere. Which requires me to go outside (I HATE being cold which is worse when you have AF) and drive them places on our miserable roads and I'm always late (I hate being late).

Am I complaining? Maybe. Or maybe I'm just admitting that sometimes I find life hard.

I hate even saying that because I know so many people have it worse. Have "real" problems. My life is pretty perfect. I am blessed. I love my life.

Which gets me thinking................Even in my tough weeks things are really not bad, or hard, or a struggle, ALL OF THE TIME. Its just that the INTENSE moments are SO VERY INTENSE even if they only happen 3% of the time. Its hard not to fixate on them. To carry them around with you even when they are over.

I envy how my kids can bounce back so quick - they can be completely devastated one minute, having a complete and utter meltdown, and then they are giggling the next. Its like they forget they were even upset. Meanwhile, I am emotionally exhausted from the  "episode" for hours.

That's the roller coaster of having kids. When things are good, they are so good. The kids are so sweet. They are so fun.  Your heart swells just looking at them.

But when things gets UGLY. An unhappy/moody/disagreable 18month/4/6/_ (insert age) year old can be really difficult to deal with. Especially if you have AF. Patience is at an all-time low. And when you don't handle things well you get left with the guilt of not being the best parent. With disappointment in yourself for not being more patient and kind. More creative in dealing with conflict. A Rockstar mom.

Well I was no Rockstar Mom this week. And I didn't go 24 hours without complaining. No sirree.

But at least I recognize what is causing my moods, my inability to handle the regular ups and downs of having three young, anemic, food sensitive and flu ridden kids.

The first step in fixing a problem is identifying the root cause. The root cause is not the 3% (or maybe  20% this week) of the time my kids are out of control, Winnipeg's traffic is horrendous or that I almost froze my fingers. The root cause is that my body has fallen out of balance, my adrenals are tired. And so I need to fix that. And I'm working on it, I've gone back to my key steps to fixing Adrenal Fatigue. But it will take time.

So maybe I am a complainer some of the time. But generally, I am grateful. I am happy. And I am hopeful. Because I know that I can cure my Adrenal Fatigue. And I know that I do have it good. And I love my life. I just need to get off this cortisol Roller coaster and I will be back to handling the peaks and valleys with a little more patience. And hopefully a lot less yelling.

And for the record. This is my journal. So I tend to focus on the more difficult aspects of my life. The things that don't come easy. Things that need some of my time, energy and focus to work through. So don't feel sorry for me if it seems that I have it bad. I don't. You just probably hear more about the tough stuff as I work it through.

Okay. Good.  Now take care or YOUR ADRENALS. And have a good week................

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