Sunday, November 10, 2013

Sunday Reflections - Change, Discomfort, Resentment & Renewal - A Big Week for Mama

Well Folks. I had A HUGE WEEK. A big step in my quest to work on my mind/body connection.

I made a dramatic change in my life. HUGE. Its the reason I have been so stressed out over the past couple months.............and why I missed a post on Friday!

I left a job I have been doing for 14 years.

A job I was comfortable doing. A job I was good at. A job where I didn't have to prove myself. A job where I was established.

A job where I was an auditor (not the worlds favorite person). A job that was extremely challenging and deadline driven. A job where I was chronically stressed out. A job that spilled over into every aspect of my life. A job that often meant very LONG hours and feeling on-call a lot of the time (that darn Blackberry is a curse and a blessing).

A job that didn't fit with the new me. A me that is trying to find balance. A me that is trying to stay true to her values. A me that is exercising. A me that is eating clean. A me that is trying to have a calmer mind. A me that is determined to get off the adrenaline roller coaster.

A me that is trying to thrive not just survive.

So I put my name in for a job that is challenging and interesting. Where I can still grow as a professional. But in a way that will give me balance. A job that is 50%. 17.5 hours a week. No overtime.

And I GOT IT.

But it was hard to make this leap. To take this big step.

I had to go through some major discomfort to get to this result.  I had to get a resume ready when I really didn't have time. I had to go to interviews which are always stressful and I was way out of practice. I had to wait. And wait. And wait to find out what was happening at each step in the process.

It was an uncomfortable process.

And then I had to leave my current job. And that was REALLY hard. I move mountains to try and not disappoint people. But there was no way to get to this point without disappointing people.

And then I had to say Goodbye to co-workers and friends. I had to say Goodbye to what I know and what I am comfortable with. To the potential for advancement and $$$$ that could have eventually come on my old career path.

A wise woman (you know who you are) shared something with me recently. This is the same person that first made me realize I needed to deal with the mind (stress) part of the mind/body connection if I was really ever going to find balance and long-term health.

She shared with me a theory that you have to go through discomfort to avoid resentment.

Certain personalities push themselves to do things that cause us to "overdo it". And over time this can lead us into the burn out zone. Whether its feeling like our houses need to be showroom clean. Or we have to say "yes" every time we are asked to do something. Or we always throw our hands up to lead projects.

We feel an overwhelming need to not disappoint others. Its our greatest fear. And a great motivator for us to do things.

The problem is that it often motivates us to do things that we don't have time for. That don't necessarily bring us joy or balance or health. That we frankly don't want to do. And probably shouldn't do. But we feel so compelled to not disappoint.

Are you one of those people?  Are you doing things that you resent. Do you feel resentment to certain tasks or people because you are doing something that you don't want to do. But you are driven to do it anyway.

You don't have to. You have a choice. You can go through some discomfort (quitting a job, finding a job, saying no to someone). Yes - you might have to disappoint someone along the way.

But you can either disappoint them and then end up being happy with what you are doing (or not doing) or keep doing things you don't want to do and end up resenting them or it.

That's where I was with my job. I resented the overtime. I resented my Blackberry.  I struggled with not letting that overshadow all my feelings towards my job but I couldn't do it anymore. There were many positives about my job - I worked with some great people, I learned something new every day, I was challenged, I had great flexibility.  But all I could see anymore was how it was taking my time, and probably just as importantly, my mental energy away from my kids.  Away from all the things I NEED to keep doing to keep myself on the right path to health.

And I was becoming a person I didn't want to be. I couldn't stand to be around my own negative thoughts anymore. I'm a positive person but it was consuming me and dragging me down.

So I went through some BIG TIME DISCOMFORT to get away from the resentment.  To make the change I needed to make.

And I'm so happy I did. I'm sorry that I had to disappoint people. I really am. But I just had to do it. And they will get over it.

So I'm proud of myself. It was hard. There were many moments where I just wanted to stay with what was comfortable to me. But I did it.

So here's to a new chapter of my career. And here's to going through discomfort to getting yourself closer to the best version of you!




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