Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Candida Killed my Summer............Now I must kill it

I've noticed a trend. I very infrequently blog anymore. But when I do, I seem to wait until the storm has passed and then summarize/comment/report on how much I'm feeling better. How I did it.


Not because I'm trying to brag or show how great of a problem solver I am. Simply because I usually have more energy at that point and when I'm in the storm I'm using all my reserves for full battle.


That's probably why my blog posts have become even more infrequent in 2015. There has been a lot of stormy weather.


So this time, I'm going to give you the honest goods. The honest not so pretty - the storm has not passed goods.


I have a severe systematic invasion of Candida overgrowth in my body. I'm pretty sure I've had a Candida issue my whole life. Its been barely controlled a few times when I got serious about cutting down on eating sugar which never seemed to last that long.


Cravings for sugar caused by Candida are brutal. I don't just "like sweets" - I literally feel like every cell in my body is screaming for them at times. Something I thought was just a personality trait of sorts - a lack of will at the least. Something I am/was embarrassed of. I often make a joke of it but its actually shameful to be hiding in the pantry eating chocolate chips hoping no one will notice (for the record kids can sniff out this behavior and will call you out on it each and every time - and they smell it on your breathe if they don't catch you red-handed). It consumes my thoughts.


I'm not going to go into the long list of symptoms I have had over the year. Its a long boring story and I'm tired of re-playing it in my mind. If you see me, you will likely question whether it is "all in my head". I "look" fine most of the time, I act fine most of the time. But I don't feel like myself. This is not who I am meant to be. I'm better than this. I'm shinier than this.


I was really confused about what was going on until recently. Symptoms of Candida overgrowth can be varied and inconsistent. I have had vastly differing symptoms over the year including a severe flare up of my IBS, and LOTs of other mental and physical manifestations. Lots of weird stuff going on.


This summer is the first time I think I started to actually feel defeated. I've been living "clean" for 3 years now. I could be the poster child for healthy living. I have structured my whole life around reducing stress (barring having three kids), eating well, sleeping and exercising. On paper, I've got this. In reality, its not working. Its incredibly frustrating. I don't know what else to "give up" and how much more money to spend on doctors and supplements.


In my frustration and tears, I finally told my new chiropractor about this situation last week. I don't always share my Candida issue with people I don't know well but with my chiropractic thermo scan results also showing something extremely odd going on in my body (a whole other story) I thought it was time to fess up.


She actually knew about Candida and was very open/understanding. Thank-you for not shaming me. I get enough of that from doctors. But she said "well, how did you get rid of it before?". I didn't really have an answer for her. Upon reflection, I  never did get rid of it. It got better at times, but I didn't get rid of it.


And one of my newer symptoms (although its been brewing for a few years) is severe mood swings. That's the part I can't handle. That I refuse to live with. I don't like that version of me.


So Candida killed my summer. A summer that had all the ingredients for perfection. It wasn't horrible by any means. I enjoyed many moments. But it wasn't what it should have been. I wasn't who I should have been.


So now I must kill it! I may have felt defeated at times. But I have another character trait -  steadfast determination - so I'm not giving up. Stay tuned. She isn't going to go down without a fight.


Prayers welcome!

































3 comments: